S.A.C.R.E.D. Power Talk

Power, like sex, is an extremely broad category for human enquiry. Going beyond power's definition as the potential to be able to do something, below I explain a model for talking with others about how power moves in your existent relationship with them. You can also use it for future interactions with someone. It's a way to bring power dynamics between people into conscious awareness. Doing this let's our interactions be even more consensual.

IMAGINE...

You walk into a Temple Night and start dancing. You see someone across the room and you are drawn to them for some reason. It's a kind of attraction, but you don't just think they're hot. You feel curious about exploring some kind of interaction with them. They seem open to being approached, so you go over and say, "hi! I feel drawn to you for some reason, would you be open to exploring the power dynamic between us?" The person smiles and has a look on their face that tells you they are interested in knowing more. They say, "hmmm, ok, yes!" You go together to a mattress, sit down, and take turns speaking about the following 6 aspects of your possible exploration of power dynamics:

SOURCE

What tends to be the source of your power when interacting with people? It might be personal attributes like extroversion, something about your life experience, language skills, or spiritual connectedness. Our aim when talking about this is to bring the sources of our power into language when they usually remain underneath the surface.  

AMBITION

What plans, intentions, or desires do you have for the expression of your power in this specific scenario? You might imagine a BDSM scene where you are the dominant one, or a dance where you are in the power of your sacred feminine, or receiving loving touch from someone who is charging your power with power using their hands! Here is your chance to be creative with what your interaction could look like. There is no set way. Experiment with different ways to feel power in your interactions with others.

COLLABORATION

How do you intend for others to be involved in your powerful action? Once you have both described how the other person could be involved, see where your ambitions and proposals for collaboration overlap. Is there some kind of scene, exchange, relationship you can create with each other that satisfies you both? This might involve some compromise on what you were initially looking to experience. If not, the interaction doesn't have to happen.

RESISTANCES

What expressions of power do you tend to be resistant to? Describe the character types, ways that people get what they want, or ways that you see people maintaining their status that you judge, think are not right, or that make you feel uncomfortable. Then explain what it is about those expressions that potentially turns you on. This can be very challenging and triggering!

EFFECTS

What do you foresee as the likely effects of your power in this scenario? These can be effects on the person or people involved, effects on your own feelings, or on the physical environment around you. What adjustments will you have to make in order not to have a negative effect?

DIFFERENCE

Based on the conversation you have had up until this point, describe the main differences between you in terms of power. Maybe one of you clearly wants to explore being an active, dominant participant in some BDSM power-play and the other want to be more passive and submissive. In this case, the dominant person is not the only powerful one. The submissive person is also experiencing power by having things done for them, or done to them! Or, maybe one of you is very experienced in Temple spaces and the other is not. Here is where you would name that difference. By naming the differences, we get a sense of what we can call the "power dynamic" between you. Once you have had this talk, you enter into a beautiful, playful exchange with the person you approached for the next 30 minutes of Temple. It involves some touch, movement, and still presence with one another based on what you both articulated, particularly in the "Ambition" and "Collaboration" parts of the SACRED Power Talk. You end with gratitude for the experience and go your separate ways. At the end of the Temple Night, you check-in with each other to see how you feel about the meeting and make a plan to message each other in a week to see if either of you need anything in terms of after-care. Note: this conversation would be amazing to have in many other contexts! Imagine having this conversation with your partner, your colleagues, or your kids. It's all about bringing awareness to power dynamics, which so often have an unconscious influence on our lives.